Starting school: getting ready for reception

Let's start with the most important thing: your child does not need to read, write or recite times tables before starting school. Teaching those things is literally the school's job, and reception teachers are very good at it. What actually helps is the everyday stuff — coats, toilets, taking turns, and saying how they feel.

The Starting Reception guidance, developed by a coalition of early years organisations including Coram PACEY, frames readiness around four friendly ideas: growing independence, building relationships, physical development and healthy routines. Every one of them is built through ordinary family life, not flashcards.

And a gentle truth for the grown-ups: no four-year-old arrives with all of this mastered. These are things to practise together over the summer, not a pass-or-fail exam. Schools expect wobbles — they've seen thousands of them.

Looking after themselves

Using the toilet independently Including wiping, flushing and washing hands. Accidents still happen in reception and schools are entirely unfazed by them.
Putting on their own coat and having a go at the zip Have a go being the operative phrase. Zips are hard; effort counts.
Getting shoes on — roughly the right feet Velcro shoes are a gift to reception teachers and parents alike. Save the laces lesson for later years.
Opening everything in their own lunchbox Do a full dress rehearsal with the actual lunchbox: yoghurt tubes, wrappers, that impregnable cheese. Adjust the menu accordingly.
Using a knife and fork, more or less
Blowing their nose and covering coughs Aspirationally, at least.

Feelings and friends

Saying how they feel in simple words Early years teachers rate this above any academic skill. 'I'm sad' or 'I need help' will carry them further than knowing the alphabet.
Taking turns and sharing Sometimes. With support. Perfection not required — this is a lifelong project.
Separating from you with support Practise short, happy goodbyes — a stay with grandparents, a friend's house, a settling-in session. Leaving confidently is a skill like any other.
Asking an adult for help
Following simple instructions Two steps is plenty: 'Coat on, then line up.'
Playing alongside and with other children

Practical prep (the boring-but-useful bit)

Uniform your child can manage alone Elasticated waists and velcro shoes beat smart buttons every time. They will be changing for PE in a room with 29 other four-year-olds.
Name labels on absolutely everything Both shoes, the water bottle, every jumper. School jumpers migrate like wildebeest; labels are how they find their way home.
A book bag and water bottle they recognise as theirs
Practise the school run Walk or drive the route a few times so the first morning holds no surprises.
Go to the settling-in sessions if offered
Arrange a playdate with a future classmate if you can One familiar face in the playground works wonders. This one's optional — friendships form fast regardless.

Routines that help

Edge bedtime earlier a few weeks before term School is astonishingly tiring — the first half-term runs on early nights.
Do a few morning dry-runs Dressed, fed and out by school time. Discover the bottlenecks now, while the stakes are toast-based.
Build a breakfast habit Whatever they'll reliably eat. Fed is best here too.
Talk about school warmly and honestly Excitement is great; relentless hype can backfire. 'Some bits will be new and your teacher will help' is honest and calming.
Share books together every day For the love of stories, not for phonics. Being read to is the best pre-reading there is.

What schools do NOT expect

Reading or writing Genuinely not. Recognising their own name is a bonus, not a requirement.
Counting to 100, or indeed to 20
A perfect pencil grip Playdough, threading and climbing build those hands better than worksheets.
Sitting still for long stretches Reception is built around play and movement, because teachers know exactly what four-year-olds are.
Tying shoelaces See: velcro, humanity's finest invention.
Dry nights Night-time dryness comes much later for many children and has nothing to do with school readiness.
A child who never cries at drop-off Or a parent who doesn't. Teachers have seen everything; most tears (theirs and yours) stop within minutes of the door closing.